There is a lot to be said for things that happen and which we do not understand why they have happened.
Specifically to us.
It is what happens when we lose focus.
Not on the things that we want in our lives (and by this, I mean actual things), but on the things that actually matter.
Like becoming who we are meant to be, rather than who we think we are choosing to be.
When you think about it, even when we choose who we would like to be, we either end up becoming all of who we are, or, we continue going against the grain, the one set out by the Universe, which typically sets us up to go through the same things that we have always gone through until we choose to do something different. Most humans do not want to do anything different or new. Remaining in the same manner that we have always because it is comfortable.
It is the comfort that we are used to that make things seem to not change.
It is because we are choosing to not change, choosing to be in pain when we do not have to be.
What we never realize all the while that we are gnashing our teeth and cursing our momʻs version of God is that we inherently know EXACTLY what will get us through the hard times, but we choose to just do nothing to make things better for ourselves.
Again...Humans are lazy. We do not want to have to do the work it takes to get to where we want to be in life.
We believe that we have all of the answers. When we lie to everyone, but mostly ourselves, we end up going through the same things, again and again, wondering why it happens all the time.
Humans...we hate changes that we are not prepared for. We do everything that we can to avoid the pain of having to do what we know would help.
Eventually it is the planets in our lives which cause us to have to make a choice - to be brave and make changes, or, remain comfortable because we know what to expect.
Even if what we expect sucks.
We know our own patterns. We also know where there needs to be a bit of a change in them. Lots of us choose to remain as we are, even as we long to be who we see in our minds as our "ideal" selves, whatever that means.
The work sucks. The work makes you have to look at who you are and accept yourself right now. And keep doing it until it is not work any longer.
The end is the beginning
The end of not accepting who you are is the beginning of who you do not know you are becoming. We donʻt get to keep everything we started with in life. Even people, especially people who we believed would always be in our lives.
When the shit hits the fan, and people leave our lives for whatever reason they may, it is the end of that relationship.
It is also the beginning of another relationship, just with our own selves.
Lots of people were never shown what that means, let alone been taught.
My own generation was told how to do things, and then shamed and guilted for not having had a clue how to do them. One of those things was to be in good relationship with our own selves. The only way to do that is to spend a lot of time alone.
It feels like the end.
It is actually a beginning.
You are free to do and feel and say and think whatever you want to when you have a lot of time spent alone.
It hurts sometimes, but it is the best time spent hurting.
Because you will consciously know why it is that you are hurting.
You will address it, again and again, because the feelings and the words that express them will be said again and again.
But, you will be okay.
In fact, stronger because of it.
SO
There is every good reason to feel like you donʻt know what to do right now.
Some people would tell you to "let go of control" without telling you what that means.
There are things that are outside of your control.
Let go of what you want to happen.
Learn to do the work first.
For reals.